Story by Makayla Gifford, Olivia Herr and Branson Becker

Breaking news! Students left shocked after one in a billion ‘pass’ on AP Calculus test. Two students, Eli Funk and James Haworth, from Mr. Gammelgard’s AP Calculus class discovered that they had actually passed a test! 

This bewildered the two students as they had never sniffed a grade higher than 30%.

“This is probably the most shocking development in all of AP calculus,” Funk states. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten higher than a 30% on a grade and it’s so difficult. I’m at a loss for words.

“I was just writing random letters,” Funk confessed.

Haworth has absolutely no clue how he passed the test. He described the extent of how insane Gammelgard has made this class.

“We had to learn Arabic numerals and try to solve quantum field equations, that’s when I knew the class was too much for me,” said an exhausted Haworth.

Doubting whether they made the right decision to be in this class, they found themselves completely fed up.

Funk even went as far as to say, “False vacuum decay, more like this class sucks like a vacuum.”

Haworth added, “Gammelgard asks us to find the limit x approaches infinity but I’m at my limit.” 

The pair aren’t the only ones frustrated though. Gammelgard himself is angry — not with the direction of the class — but rather that students actually passed one of his tests.  

In a rage-fueled rant to a BRCurrent.com reporter he erupted into anger, at one point saying that “despite all my best efforts, they have succeeded,” with a particular edge in his voice.

Though these two students remain extremely confused, Haworth feels accomplished and excited to use his skills in his day-to-day activities. 

“I can’t wait to use calculus to count how many carrots I have to put in my dinner,” he said triumphantly.