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BR’s Spanish Teacher a Fraud— ¿Señor no more?

Photo Illustration by Tyler Daley
Has Señor Mason actually been Monsieur Mason all along?

By Kennedy Lyman, Riley Urke and Vadim Kabardin

In a shocking turn of events, it has been discovered that Shawn Mason, Bear River’s “Spanish” teacher, has been secretly teaching French to his students all along!
Students were left baffled when they realized that the “bonjour” and “merci” they were learning in class were actually French phrases in disguise. Jake Boan, a “Spanish” 2 student, was left shocked. “I thought ‘Merci’ was just a fancy way of saying ‘Gracias’!” he complained.
Rumors started circulating when a group of students accidentally stumbled upon a hidden stash of berets, baguettes, Eiffel Tower replicas, and even his fake immigration papers in Señor Mason’s classroom. Upon further examination and intense translating, it turns out the Spanish conjugation exercises plastered on Mason’s walls were just verb drills for basic French.
When confronted about the deception, Señor Mason simply pretended to forget English and said, “Je ne sais pas de quoi vous parlez.” He refused to speak English for the rest of the week and could only be heard muttering unintelligible French under his breath.
While some students are outraged, others find the situation quite funny. “At least now I can order a croissant in confidence,” Claire McDaniel remarked. On the other hand, several AP Spanish students are devastated about the false information they’ve been taught for four consecutive years. With the AP Exam coming up in May, many have had to relearn the entire language from scratch.
One “AP Spanish” student, Emma Wolf, was so frustrated she could only express herself in angry French. “Je déteste cette école et tout le programme! Je pensais tout le temps que j’apprenais l’espagnol!”
Mason himself was born in France, having immigrated to the US in 2002 living in a monastery for the first few years till he was kicked out. Not knowing a word of English, he started from the ground up and learned English to fluency in a mere three months. He’s learned to hide his French accent very well. Even despite his questionable French appearance, he was accepted as a true American citizen.
The school administration has yet to comment on the matter, but it seems that Señor Mason’s unorthodox teaching methods have inadvertently turned Spanish class into a multicultural experience. So, if you find yourself conjugating verbs in Spanish class and suddenly feel the urge to say, “Oui, oui” instead of “Si, si”, don’t be alarmed. You might have been fooled by Señor Mason, where Spanish and French collide into the same language.
The other Spanish 1 teacher, Trent Duffey, expressed his thoughts about this revelation: “What!?! C’est fou! I’m going to have to change all my curriculum! I’ve based everything off Señor Mason.”
Will Señor Mason stay at Bear River, continuing to teach “Spanish”?
Will he be renamed Monsieur Mason?
Will Bear River switch over to teaching French altogether?
The rest is a mystery.

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  • K

    Kennedy LymanApr 1, 2024 at 12:12 pm

    This is the best story ever! The writers did an amazing job