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Bron Loses Golf Cart; Crime At BR On The Rise


Shocking news has recently been revealed in the weekly email.
Campus supervisor Bron Fariss’s golf cart has been swallowed up by a random sinkhole, causing an uptick in crime on campus..
In the latest Sunday email, Bruins were informed about the odd situation. The email informed parents of added security concerns without a golf cart. After the usual conclusion of the weekly email, it states, “Also, school unruliness may be more prevalent tomorrow due to a sinkhole that has appeared in front of the school’s office causing damage to security’s golf cart.”
The sinkhole seemed to have caused minor damage overall, excluding the fact that Bron’s golf cart fell into it.
Assistant Principal Cathy Peterson sent a comment to the CornNut explaining the seriousness of the situation. “This is bad, we usually have a bunch of security like my cameras and Bron’s patrolling. Now that he doesn’t have the golf cart, I’ll have to pay extra attention to the cameras.”
Students are starting to feel more unsafe, with senior Maylen Cha saying, “Without Bron driving around the school, how else is he supposed to catch up to unruly students and stop school fights? Our outdoor campus is way too big to be having him walk or run around.”
Luckily, the office has provided Bron with a temporary replacement skateboard. While asking if he can skate, he avoided the question by saying, “It really is a shame, you know. I really enjoyed patrolling around on my golf cart, and now that greedy sinkhole took that away from me. I think it’s just jealous that it can’t drive.”
The sinkhole also told us in an ominous tone, “I’m not jealous, I just felt like doing it.”

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